Tales of a Has-Been

I Wanna Go Back

And Do It All Over Again

But I Can't Go Back, I Know

I Wanna Go Back

Cause I'm Feeling So Much Older

But I Can't Go Back, I Know

 This song has been bouncing around my head all morning. I can hear Eddie Money's voice, on constant replay. And of course, the cheesy saxophone. No self-respecting '80s song was complete without a saxophone.

 But I digress.

Some people stroll down memory lane. For the past two weeks, I've worn my proverbial shoes through the sole pacing up and down memory lane.  You see, my parents are in the process of moving out of the home they lived in for 21 years. Which meant that I, finally, had to go home and pack up my old room and decide what I was keeping and what needed to be either thrown away or given away.

It's not easy going through things that once meant so much to you, and now have no place in your life. It's hard looking back at the girl you used, through the lens of the woman you are now, knowing what life would bring to that girl, both the good and the bad.

Oh, the things you would tell your teenage self if you had the chance.

In junior high and high school, I was very involved with a national organization. My senior year, I was even a national officer with that organization. As it so happened, this year, their national convention was about an hour and a half from where I live now, so a friend and I decided to drive up and say hi to a couple of friends who were still involved, as well as to see how much things have changed.

There's a saying: The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Seeing the mostly high school crowd, I could palpably feel a wave of nostalgia and memory sweep over me. I could feel that excitement again that I used to feel as a high schooler.

There's another saying: You can never dip your toe into the same stream twice.

As much as things were the same - many of the same sponsors, some of the same faces, though older - it was so different. I was different. I was 15 years older. Instead of worries about whether that cute guy from a different delegation would like me back and whether I would win a contest, I had worries about whether my 3-year-old would finally stop having potty training accidents and whether my parents would acclimate to the their new environment. I looked at the kids around me at the convention - many of whom weren't even born during my heyday in the group - and for a few moments, I envied them. I envied the simplicity of their lives, the joy of new discoveries to come.

The joy and freedom of youth.

And that was where my stroll down memory lane stopped. I had had my moment. It was nice to revisit, but it was time to move on.

As another saying goes: There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.

This was my time to say good-bye.